"Schumacher doesn't tolerate fools"

Hello! Well, I've made it to Hong Kong and more amazingly Ive managed to organised myself enough to be able to update my blog. I've not quite managed to update my google map though because the terminal I'm using (free internet access in my hostel - a fine stroke of luck) is using the Cantonese language so I'm navigating the menus and such like by memory. Unfortunately my memory doesn't stretch far enough to remember how to change the language in IE so some websites (namely blogger) appear entirely in Cantonese, rendering them useless. Well, useless for me - I suppose someone somewhere might speak it...

So, I'm sure you've all had restless nights wondering what I've been up to so allow me to put your upset minds to rest:

Cath gave me a lift to the airport on Monday and I departed by pinching her cheeks and giving her a manly punch in the arm before heading to departures. That may not be entirely what happened but I wouldn't want to cloud your opinion of me by describing the blubbering wreck that I became so we'll just leave it there right???

The flight was uneventful but a bit too long. Being a bit of a cheapskate traveller type, I bought the cheapest flight I could which went via Bahrain and Bangkok. This sounded like a good idea at the time when I was booking it but I started to get sick of it pretty soon. The first guy I sat next to on the plane was an ex-KPMG management consultant so I shared a few PA secrets with him in exchange for some of his peanuts. The second guy offered to arrange my trip to New Zealand for me because he was a travel agent and the third guy lived in Hong Kong and told me all the places that I should go to, so that was rather handy. I also saw Jenson Button at Bahrain airport so I gave him a few driving tips (free of charge) following his poor 4th place in the Bahrain Grand Prix the day before. I think he was grateful but I couldn't really hear what he was screaming at me as the security guards bundled me away.

When I finally fell off the plane I had the joy of queueing for 30 minutes to clear immigration before I got the bus (it was the cheapest - I'm 'unemployed' now remember??) to my hostel. Then I spent another 30 minutes walking up and down various streets until I discovered I was pretty much right outside my hostel. I collapsed on the bed for a bit before going out to explore the place and get a bite to eat.

Well I must say, I thought that London was busy but compared to Hong Kong and especially the area I was staying in (Mong Kok - it made me laugh too) it's like a nice rural villiage. It took me a few days to get used to it and to get into the way of pushing old ladies out of your way and into the path of cars and taxis and things. After a while I started to enjoy it and positively went fishing for old people to thrust under the nearest thundering double-decker.

When I finally got to bed in Hong Kong I'd been awake for around 30 hours apart from an hour of 'airline sleep' which doesn't really count.

The next couple of days were spent exploring the place - quite nice but a bit too busy and claustrophobic for my liking (although I may be whistling a different tune after I experience the mainland) sorting out my Chinese visa, and spending money that I probably shouldn't have been spending but I really really really need a battery and memory card for my camera, and the price is just so cheap anyway!! I got a tram ride to the top of The Peak on Hong Kong Island which was a good opportunity for photos except for it being very smoggy, and I went to see a laser light show from Kowloon which was rather cool if a little boring after 10 minutes. To be honest, most of the time has been spent wandering around and exploring shops and things. They like their shops here, especially clothes shops and there are a lot of fashion victims wandering the streets pouting and mincing and stuff. I've been
firing off many a disdainful look at various mullets and streaks - it's something you can do when you occupy my lofty position in world fashion. And don't get me started on the music. Imagine a non-stop eurovision song contest but without the humour and the talent and you're possibly starting to scrape the surface. It's beyond awful and someway beyond that too! As if to enforce my words, Westlife have just appeared on the television behind me. Luckily I found a sofa to throw through the TV and it appears to have stopped.

No doubt you're wondering what the food is like and I must admit that I am too. I've made the decision that I'll have plenty of chances to experience real chinese food when I'm on the mainland and don't have any other choice so I'll make the most of the access to Western food while I can. I know it's blasphemous to other travellers but the food doesn't really matter to me when I'm visiting other countries so I'll just eat whatever. Oh, stop being so judgemental!! Hands up those that haven't had a McDonalds or a Starbucks or something when they've been abroad?? See? Honestly

Anyway, I picked up my Chinese visa today and I've booked my ticket out of Hong Kong. Tomorrow evening I'm getting an overnight bus to Guilin or Yangshou (I haven't decided - probably the latter) so I'll let you know what it's like. I've heard that there's a really good place there for burgers and stuff so it sounds like my kind of town. Also, I'll fill you in on whatever I've forgotten about Hong Kong.

Missing you all and hope you're all well. I'm appreciating the emails so
keep them coming.

All the best,
Gregor

PS. There's a shop in Kowloon called Wanko. That made me laugh - I took a
photo so we can all share in the fun.

PPS. If you're wondering about the title of this blog - it's something that
ex-KPMG man said to me during our flight (imagine it being said in a very
posh English accent). I had a serious struggle to keep myself from bursting
out laughing right in front of him.