The Last Bit - Part 3

Hello! So, the last part of my trip then. How exciting. Are you excited? I am.

So, read and savour because this is the last bit and I don't suppose you'd be interested in articles that tell you about how I got up in the morning and got the train to work and then came home again and did the same thing again for the rest of my life.

Anyway...................

We made it to the South Island which was now pitch black and drove around trying to find somewhere relatively scenic to park our van. Not an easy thing to do in the dark but we managed a spot that seemed to overlook the Sound so we settled for that. When we woke up we found out that we had almost chosen a good spot in that we were overlooking the Sound but we were also overlooking some kind of logging factory so it wasn't quite as scenic as we'd hoped. But we went for a short drive to take in the view anyway which eventually lasted a couple of hours because the scenery was just so fantastic and weather was really nice - not exactly hot but nice and clear giving us a great view over the water. We stopped at the Tennyson Inlet and went for a walk. I was too busy playing with my camera to notice that Cath had wandered off and when I found her again she was soaking her feet in the water. It looked like a good idea so I decided to join her and then quickly changed my mind after dipping a toe in the ice-cold water. Luckily no one else was around to hear my girly screams.

We drove back into Picton to get some lunch and then had a game of crazy golf. Before I tell you the result, I should point out that I was tired and the visibility on the course wasn't quite as good as it could have been and also I think there was something wrong with my club. And probably my golf ball as well. And the atmospheric pressure was a bit unpredictable too. Anyway, the upshot is that Cath won her first ever game of crazy golf and I showed my good character at losing and went in a sulk for the rest of the day.

That afternoon we drove to Blenheim which is in the heart of the New Zealand wine country so we went on a tour of a vineyard where they explained the complex processes they go through to make wine. They told us about how the weather can affect the taste and things so it was all quite interesting.

We planned to drive a little bit to find somewhere to spend the night but everywhere we came across just didn't seem like a good option so we ended up driving for quite a while until we hit a major town called Nelson and we splashed out on a caravan park with unheard of luxuries like showers and electricity. Apart from sharing the park with what appeared to be a rabble of kids on a school trip we enjoyed the peace and quiet and were glad of the rest after the long drive.

The next day we went for our customary walk along the beach before jumping back into the van and driving to our next destination. Nelson Lakes sounds like it should be quite close to Nelson but it was a good long drive away. The journey was worth it though because the scenery was fantastic and the weather was great too - very cold (as I confirmed when I went to the outside toilet at the visitor centre) but crisp and clear. We parked at the Department of Conservation campsite which had electricity but no showers or hot water and went for a walk in the forests around the lake. Cath gave me a lesson about the forest and the birds and why certain types of birds live in the forest and can't be found anywhere else (due to the types of trees that are found there if I remember correctly) and she also told me about the conservation efforts that are going on there. I was impressed, both with Cath's knowledge and also by the hard work that was going on to keep species of birds and trees and fungi going so as to maintain the balance of the forests. If you visit NZ then it's worth knowing this stuff because it makes the trip more interesting. Anyway, we saw parrots called Kaka and there was also a really cool songbird whose name escapes me (either a Tui or a Bellbird) but who sang unlike any other bird I've ever heard.

That night was very cold, and the morning when I got up to the loo was very cold too. The puddles in the car park had all iced up and it was a serious struggle to get out of bed that morning. But once Cath got up and cooked my breakfast whilst I issued executive instructions from the warmth of my bed it was better and we went for another walk in the forest and round the lake. It really was beautiful and we had it pretty much all to ourselves. The cold wasn't fantastic but the fact that there were much fewer visitors in the NZ wintertime really made the trip much more pleasant.

After our walk we drove to Lake Rotoroa for another walk, this time through the forest and up to a pretty waterfall. We saw (heard) more singing birds but no Kaka this time. Cath was disappointed not to see any Kea (another type of parrot I think) since they were also meant to be in the forest. We did however stumble across a Possum - usually they are wary of people but this one seemed to be less scared as we crept up on it and looked at us for a while before scurrying into the bushes. Then it was down to Lake Rotoroa for some lunch and despite the cold weather we still had to contend with blackfly trying to eat us alive - I can't imagine what it must be like in the summertime but the visitors book bore testament to some harrowing stories. Well, 'harrowing' is probably too strong a word given that all that really happened was that some people had been bitten by a fly but in the absence of the killer crocs and stuff that you get in Australia then your sense of perspective changes.

Anyway, we escape with our lives and drove on to Westport stopping at the Buller Gorge for a play on the wire which spans the river. Basically you sit on a chair that's attached to a wire that goes over the river, then they throw you off one side and you hurtle towards the other side, all the while figuring out how you're going to stop before you crash into the rocks that seem to be coming towards you awfully quickly. But somehow you stop and a man stands there with a camera to record the whole awful nightmarish event on film for you.

Once again we found ourselves arriving in the dark at our campsite. I can't actually remember it but I remember the drive seemed to take ages - it was on say, the equivalent of the M4 in the UK but some corners were so tight that the poor old camper van was wobbling round them at 40km/h and some of the hills were so steep that we could barely get up them.

The next morning we drove to a lovely welcoming place called Cape Foulwind (it even sounds lovely) and had breakfast by the cliffs. The weather wasn't great and the waves were starting to crash in but it made for some great photos. We were also pestered by a bird (called a Weka I think) that was very bold and kept creeping up to the van to try and get some food from us. I can't imagine why it might think we had anything to give it but the sight of Cath throwing vast quantities of our limited food stash to the "He's cute!!!" bird did raise an eyebrow or two.

We moved on to the seal colony where seals (New Zealand Fur Seals, to be precise) came in for some shelter from the mighty Pacific Ocean. Looking at the ocean and the massive waves that were crashing into the inlet today, I could see why they wanted to get to dry land. I did have a good chuckle when some huge waves came crashing in and splashed over the seals that were lying on the rocks. Call me childish if you wish - everyone else probably thought it as I pointed and guffawed whilst Cath tried to surreptitiously blend into the background.

After the mornings amusement we had a fantastic drive down the West Coast through some fabulous scenery and sun even came out giving us the chance for some memorable pictures. I had fun blasting my horn at a camper van full of Germans that was holding us up and steadfastly refused to get out of our way. As we passed I indicated to them that there were two of us in the van and I instantly felt better.

We pulled up at a place called Pancake Rocks. I don't know how it got its name but it was one of the highlights of the trip for me. Essentially it was a few strange rock formations out into the sea and as the waves roll in you sometimes get splashes of water coming up through the cracks in the rocks. This simple concept kept Cath and I riveted for 3 hours (even though we only planned on spending 30 minutes there) since the waves and their power was truly mesmerising and the sight of water whooshing up into the air was breathtaking. My words don't do it justice and nor do the multitude of pictures and video that we took but it was fabulous to watch. The only problem is that it's a bit temperamental so you have to be there at the right tide time and you have to be watching the right bit. So Cath would come dashing over to tell me that I just missed a massive eruption and I'd dash back to where she'd been just as a chorus of gasps and oohs and aahs emanated from where I'd been. But I saw enough to leave very happy.

Can you guess what happened next? Generally something to do with it being dark and us driving into some little town somewhere to camp up for the night? Yes, that's right so I won't bore you with any details except to say that it was at the charmless purpose built tourist resort of Franz Joseph.

We got up early the next morning because it was our plan to somehow find somewhere that had a helicopter ride up onto the nearby Franz Joseph Glacier. Our chances of success were low since it depended on the weather being good enough for a helicopter to fly up the glacier and back down (preferably in a controlled manner rather than in a ball of fire) and for there to actually be any spaces on any said helicopter flights. We were lucky however, since we managed to get a ride that was leaving in the next hour and before we knew it we were in a helicopter being ferried up the mountain by our skillful pilot (who was Scottish) and landing on the snow to be met by our guide (apparently attractive but I didn't see it and nor did I pay any attention to his legs which the girls, including my darling girlfriend breathlessly told me were "lovely").

Anyway, this clown fitted us with crampons and then walked us around the glacier which was quite frankly incredible. The glacier is constantly moving (Franz Joseph being one of the few which is actually advancing rather than retreating) so there are always new and interesting ice caves and structures to wander in and squeeze through. It was fantastic and I was glad our moronic guide with his stupid legs was there because I would have been completely lost since it all looked so similar. We even saw some of the massive blocks of ice breaking free and crashing down the mountain. Apparently we were unlikely to get squashed but it was quite scary since these blocks were 20, 30, 40 feet high and it'd probably sting a bit if you were squashed underneath it.

Before long it was time to jump back into the helicopter and fly back to the village. After Pancake rocks the day before it was a real sweet spot of our trip and whilst expensive it was a truly wonderful thing to have done. The only worrying part was when the helicopter pilot lifted us up over a peak and then plunged the helicopter down the other side, leaving our stomachs and a variety of piercing screams far up in the air where we'd just been. If he hadn't been flying the helicopter I'd have strangled him with his headphones.

After a well earned lunch we drove to Gilespies Beach where I managed to completely soak my walking boots and most of my walking trousers after a slightly misguided and misjudged photo attempt on a huge wave as it crashed onto the beach. With my dignity slightly dented we left the beach and drove to Lake Mathieson for a walk (a slightly squelchy walk in my case) around the lake before it got dark. After a brief detour to the Fox Glacier to see the face of a Glacier (and the huge cliffs that it created when it gouged a route through the mountain) and an unsuccessful attempt to help a fellow camper van driver that had managed to reverse off the side of a small drop and beach their van on the side of the road, we drove off once again into the night in search of a place to stay. After we'd exhausted all attempts to find a nice place on the coast we settled on a simple camp site in a place called Haast.

The next day we woke up to some extremely cold and rainy weather, the first bad weather we'd really had on the trip. We drove down to the beach since it was possible to see penguins at certain times of the year but it wasn't to be and so we traced our route back and drove for most of the day in the miserable rain and cold. We stopped for lunch in the memorable setting of a car park and with rain streaming down the windows we cooked our soup and looked out at the sodden landscape. It was like a British camping holiday. We were slightly dreading the rest of the drive because there were signs warning of the Haast Pass and the guide book suggested that it was a tricky route but in fact we passed the Pass so to speak, without noticing it so I like to think that my sublime driving skills made the journey that much more pleasurable.

We arrived in Wanaka and stopped at a place called Puzzling World. I don't quite know how to explain this place but it was basically full of weird illusions and holograms and things. One room was built on a big slope so that you could have strange illusions like pool balls rolling back down the table at you and water draining upwards and things. It was lots of fun and nice to get out of the rain for a bit although it did mean that we couldn't do the outdoor maze (but I did get a good laugh at those that had tried it and were then lost out in the rain). There wasn't much else in Wanaka so we drove on to Queenstown. The signs pointed us in one direction but the map showed us that there was a quicker way if we drove over the hills. In the end it wasn't much quicker but it was certainly much more exciting as we drove up into the clouds and then hurtled down the other side of the hill on the narrow road, skidding round hairpin bends and asking everything of the brakes. Cath frequently screamed but I think it was just from the sheer fun she was having and nothing to do with the fear that was etched into her face (or the fingernail marks that were gouged into the dashboard). Oh how we laughed. Once back on solid ground we drove into a very rainy Queenstown and decided to spend the night somewhere that wasn't a camper van since we were planning to go ski-ing the next day (if the weather was any good) and didn't want to come back to a cold camper van after a days ski-ing.

After much searching and sighing we found a youth hostel that was OK but the weather report for the next day wasn't looking great. We went to get some dinner and decided that we'd wait and see what the weather was like the next day before making a decision. When we woke up it was sunny which was great but almost as quickly the cloud came in and the rain started again so we ended up walking around the town trying to find things to do. Queenstown is the adrenalin capital of the world so there are loads of things to do, but they generally rely on good weather so we were a bit stuck. The jet boat wasn't running because the water level was too high (I didn't quite understand that myself) but a girl gave us some tickets for the gondola so we went up the hill for lovely views into the cloud over Queenstown. We could have got the luge down the hill but that too was closed because of the weather.

However, at the bottom of the hill was our saviour for a few hours because we found an indoor Crazy Golf venue. Now I don't want to sound like I'm making excuses once more but I'm certain that the weather was playing havoc with my usually serene golf skills and I think Cath might have given me a dodgy golf club because once more I was beaten by a girl at crazy golf. I took it well though and after smashing a few windows I was fine and ready to move on.

Thankfully the weather had finally turned and the rain had stopped. The jet boat was running again so we booked ourselves on that. It was lots of fun - I decided that I'd quite like one for myself although I'm not sure where I could zoom around in Reading with it. Lots of people got soaked on the boat but I seemed to have a fairly good spot where I could point and laugh but remain dry. The ski report for the next day was looking good as well so moved into a nicer apartment and got our stuff ready.

The next day was sunnyish but the hills looked very cloudy. We'd made our mind up though so we picked up our ski-ing gear, drove up the mountain stopping half way up to figure out how to put our snow chains on and then progressed up the mountain at walking speed, much to the annoyance of the train of cars behind us. I would have pulled over but the I might not have got going again. Once there I dived out of the van and ran to the slopes, giggling like a giddy 9-year old at Christmas whilst Cath struggled to walk in her ski-ing boots carrying her skis and poles.

We had a good day ski-ing in the clear sky with no injuries and the snow was pretty good too. The NZ approach to pistes is different to Europe. The ski map just seems to be a suggestion and in reality people just ski all over the mountain as they see fit. I joined in and could hear the obscenities from Cath as I went hurtling down some difficult drop (often face first) with no means of escape, expecting Cath to obediently follow. But follow she did and fun we did have.

When we got back to the van my heart sank as I realised I'd left the lights on and the battery was flat. For a moment I thought I might be able to swing the van out from its spot and then roll down the hill but if I got it wrong then I would be blocking the only road out of the resort so I thought better of it and went to find someone to help. I was a bit worried because I didn't have a clue where the battery was to jump start it but some young kid that worked at the resort turned up with jump leads, pulled the battery out from under the seat and got us going in under 5 minutes.

That evening we had dinner in the same restaurant we dined in on the first night because it was so good and the next day we drove to the Bungy jump centre in town. Cath wasn't so sure but she was delighted when I stomped in and booked a jump for an hours time. That way she didn't have to time to think about it and the time she spent hitting me and calling me a stupid boy was kept to a minimum too.

When we arrived at the bungy site I was quite excited and I was excited all the way up until I stood on the ledge and suddenly felt like this was a bad idea. But then I felt a hand on my back ushering us both to the river below and then I remember screaming like a girl. I was quite proud though because I screamed from the top to the bottom whereas Cath screamed from the top, paused for a breath and then continued screaming as we plunged to the rapids below. Thankfully the rope held and we were rescued by two men in a dinghy that I presume worked for the bungy company. Once back in the van we agreed what fun it had been and I spent the next 8 hours reminding Cath that it had been my idea and wasn't I great, to which she heartily agreed and looked at me with dreamy eyes and deep admiration. That's what I remember anyway.

After the bungy jump and a minor detour when I turned left instead of right and got lost for half an hour we drove up to Lake Pukaki in the hope of seeing a nice view of Mount Cook. Unfortunately the weather wasn't great so all we saw was a load of cloud and then a load of cloud reflected in the lake. It was nice to get out of the van and have a walk around the lake though. We continued driving up to Lake Tekapo but the weather was getting worse and soon it started to snow. We stopped at the lake and because we were a bit worried about continuing along the road and through Burkes Pass in the poor weather we ended up staying the night in a camp site at the lake. It was fun though - the snow was quite thick so we went for a walk and threw some snowballs, then came back to the van and built a snowman. We christened him Mr Ernest Hackett. Ernest because we wanted a distinguished name to reflect his distinguished stature and Hackett in homage to the man that invented the bungy jump in Queenstown.

We had a very cold night. By morning, the water tank in the van had frozen and the door that gave us access to the gas had frozen as well. So whilst Cath laid in the warmth of bed I fought my way through the snow and polar bears to the kitchen to get some water and wrestled open the van door to switch the gas on and get a cup of tea. Once we'd finally got sorted I drove the van over to one of the lodges to get some water to fill up the water tank but then I managed to get bogged down in the snow. No matter how hard we tried or in what gear, the van didn't want to go forward. I had a brainwave though and stuck the van in reverse and zoomed back as fast as possible to get up the hill. It worked a treat and it was great fun too. I only crashed into a couple of other caravans as well.

The roads were still icy and slippy but the view was great and the sun was out as well. In a happy frame of mind we drove to Tamaru to get the van repaired since we'd managed to blow a fuse in the water pump trying to get the frozen water out. Once it was fixed we stopped for a bit to go to an aviary and also for me to play on the childrens climbing frame just outside. I managed to get to the top of the kids frame and I reckon Cath was deeply impressed with just how great I was. We drove back to the coast for some lunch next to the sea and I did my customary thing of trying to photograph waves and naturally got my feet wet in the process.

After lunch we drove on to Geraldine (or Monica or whatever other female name I attached to it - I kept getting confused and I'm not very good with names) and then on to Peel Forest where we saw a big tree. It was more exciting than it sounds but there's only so much you can say about a tree so I'm not going to try and convince you. It was good though. There was a tree there that was really big. After the drama and excitment of the big tree we arrived in Methven and spent the night in a camp site. Tragedy struck though when our fan heater packed up and we had to face the thought of a freezing night without heating. Rescue came in the form of the camp site owner though who loaned us one of his heaters and we didn't perish in the cold of the Southern winter.

The next day we were up early to hire more ski gear and go up to the ski resort. Instead of driving this time we took the bus and it was a good move because the road was a bit dodgy in places and I suspect our little van would have struggled to get up the hill. All was going well until the second run of the day when I had a silly little fall but managed to sprain my ankle. It was jolly sore and I came over all dizzy and sweaty so we stopped for lunch early while I moaned and complained a lot. After lunch Cath insisted that we get back on the slopes despite my near fatal injury and we started on the nursery slopes just to see how I was. It was very painful but I could manage OK so we went on the chairlift up to one of the harder runs.

All was going well until I came to get off the lift. I stood up and slid away from the chair but then felt my rucksack pulling me back and I fell on my bum. I'd snagged my rucksack on the chair somehow and it was dragging me round and back down the other side of the lift. I wasn't too worried since I was sure the lift operator would stop the lift but it started to dawn on me that the lift was still going and I couldn't undo my rucksack. I looked at the lift operator and he was reading what must have been a fascinating book whilst I was getting dragged to the drop on the other side of the lift. I shouted a 'Hoi!' at him and saw his face change as he registered that I was going to be strangled by my bag and he was going to be sacked. Luckily he stopped it before I started to dangle off the chair by my neck and dashed over to release me. He told me he would have come earlier if I'd screamed like a girl so I'll bear that in mind. Apparently my "Hoi" was too relaxed for his liking. Anyway, no harm done except I was a bit grumpy and was miffed at Cath for pointing and laughing at me as I was dragged to my doom. I'm sure I saw her trying to find the camera but I'll say no more...

We did a few more runs and I stoically coped with the pain before we headed back down into the town. When I took my boots off my ankle had swollen up a lot and I couldn't walk very well so I hobbled to the doctor to see if they could give me anything for it but the queue was too long. I went to the chemist instead and they gave me some cream to help it heal and told me to relax for a bit. I couldn't drive so Cath drove us to Akoroa which turned out to be a scary drive up darkened mountains in the ice. She did a great job though and I managed to not complain too much about her driving. Once in Akarora we found a lovely hotel and we had dinner in a fantastic restaurant (which was expensive but was the only place open in town and was well worth the money). We didn't really fit in what with me hobbling in and the two of us in our ski-ing gear with windswept hair but they were very polite to us (except for the cheeky waiter who said that I looked about 35 years old!) and the food was superb.

The next day we went on to our final destination: Christchurch, and it was a bit of a shock to the system for both of us. It was our first time in a city for 3 weeks and quite a change from our little van. To be honest we both didn't really want to be there and would quite happily have flown back to the UK but we made the most of it but going to a couple of restaurants and the museum (which was pretty good actually) and taking a boat trip from Lyttleton Harbour out to see some dolphins in the Pacific. My foot was a bit better so I stood out on the front of the boat to watch them and periodically got drenched by the odd freak wave. The dolphins were very cool - they were called Hectors Dolphins and are the smallest type of dolphin with less of a pointy fin and a fin more like Mickey Mouse's ear. They swam alongside the boat jumping in the air and generally just showing off. I have a very shaky video of them as I tried to film them with one hand while the other hand held onto the rail in an attempt to stop me getting thrown overboard.

And that's it really. We flew back from Christchurch to Sydney and then Sydney to London via Singapore. The flight was dreadful since it seemed to go on forever. At one point I woke up, sure that I was over France or somewhere but was disappointed to find out that we were over the Middle East. I woke Cath up from her deep sleep to tell her and she was disappointed too, especially since she couldn't get back to sleep again.

So, my trip is over. What can I say? It was great and if you get the chance to do something similar then jump at it. It wasn't always great fun (a certain Chinese hospital springs to mind) but (and at the risk of dredging out a tired cliche) the memories are fantastic.

There will be another blog post because there are a few mistakes in some of the articles and there are plenty of things that I've missed out so I'll need to tidy them up. But that's it for now. Hope you've enjoyed it!

Gregor