The Last Bit - Part 3

Hello! So, the last part of my trip then. How exciting. Are you excited? I am.

So, read and savour because this is the last bit and I don't suppose you'd be interested in articles that tell you about how I got up in the morning and got the train to work and then came home again and did the same thing again for the rest of my life.

Anyway...................

We made it to the South Island which was now pitch black and drove around trying to find somewhere relatively scenic to park our van. Not an easy thing to do in the dark but we managed a spot that seemed to overlook the Sound so we settled for that. When we woke up we found out that we had almost chosen a good spot in that we were overlooking the Sound but we were also overlooking some kind of logging factory so it wasn't quite as scenic as we'd hoped. But we went for a short drive to take in the view anyway which eventually lasted a couple of hours because the scenery was just so fantastic and weather was really nice - not exactly hot but nice and clear giving us a great view over the water. We stopped at the Tennyson Inlet and went for a walk. I was too busy playing with my camera to notice that Cath had wandered off and when I found her again she was soaking her feet in the water. It looked like a good idea so I decided to join her and then quickly changed my mind after dipping a toe in the ice-cold water. Luckily no one else was around to hear my girly screams.

We drove back into Picton to get some lunch and then had a game of crazy golf. Before I tell you the result, I should point out that I was tired and the visibility on the course wasn't quite as good as it could have been and also I think there was something wrong with my club. And probably my golf ball as well. And the atmospheric pressure was a bit unpredictable too. Anyway, the upshot is that Cath won her first ever game of crazy golf and I showed my good character at losing and went in a sulk for the rest of the day.

That afternoon we drove to Blenheim which is in the heart of the New Zealand wine country so we went on a tour of a vineyard where they explained the complex processes they go through to make wine. They told us about how the weather can affect the taste and things so it was all quite interesting.

We planned to drive a little bit to find somewhere to spend the night but everywhere we came across just didn't seem like a good option so we ended up driving for quite a while until we hit a major town called Nelson and we splashed out on a caravan park with unheard of luxuries like showers and electricity. Apart from sharing the park with what appeared to be a rabble of kids on a school trip we enjoyed the peace and quiet and were glad of the rest after the long drive.

The next day we went for our customary walk along the beach before jumping back into the van and driving to our next destination. Nelson Lakes sounds like it should be quite close to Nelson but it was a good long drive away. The journey was worth it though because the scenery was fantastic and the weather was great too - very cold (as I confirmed when I went to the outside toilet at the visitor centre) but crisp and clear. We parked at the Department of Conservation campsite which had electricity but no showers or hot water and went for a walk in the forests around the lake. Cath gave me a lesson about the forest and the birds and why certain types of birds live in the forest and can't be found anywhere else (due to the types of trees that are found there if I remember correctly) and she also told me about the conservation efforts that are going on there. I was impressed, both with Cath's knowledge and also by the hard work that was going on to keep species of birds and trees and fungi going so as to maintain the balance of the forests. If you visit NZ then it's worth knowing this stuff because it makes the trip more interesting. Anyway, we saw parrots called Kaka and there was also a really cool songbird whose name escapes me (either a Tui or a Bellbird) but who sang unlike any other bird I've ever heard.

That night was very cold, and the morning when I got up to the loo was very cold too. The puddles in the car park had all iced up and it was a serious struggle to get out of bed that morning. But once Cath got up and cooked my breakfast whilst I issued executive instructions from the warmth of my bed it was better and we went for another walk in the forest and round the lake. It really was beautiful and we had it pretty much all to ourselves. The cold wasn't fantastic but the fact that there were much fewer visitors in the NZ wintertime really made the trip much more pleasant.

After our walk we drove to Lake Rotoroa for another walk, this time through the forest and up to a pretty waterfall. We saw (heard) more singing birds but no Kaka this time. Cath was disappointed not to see any Kea (another type of parrot I think) since they were also meant to be in the forest. We did however stumble across a Possum - usually they are wary of people but this one seemed to be less scared as we crept up on it and looked at us for a while before scurrying into the bushes. Then it was down to Lake Rotoroa for some lunch and despite the cold weather we still had to contend with blackfly trying to eat us alive - I can't imagine what it must be like in the summertime but the visitors book bore testament to some harrowing stories. Well, 'harrowing' is probably too strong a word given that all that really happened was that some people had been bitten by a fly but in the absence of the killer crocs and stuff that you get in Australia then your sense of perspective changes.

Anyway, we escape with our lives and drove on to Westport stopping at the Buller Gorge for a play on the wire which spans the river. Basically you sit on a chair that's attached to a wire that goes over the river, then they throw you off one side and you hurtle towards the other side, all the while figuring out how you're going to stop before you crash into the rocks that seem to be coming towards you awfully quickly. But somehow you stop and a man stands there with a camera to record the whole awful nightmarish event on film for you.

Once again we found ourselves arriving in the dark at our campsite. I can't actually remember it but I remember the drive seemed to take ages - it was on say, the equivalent of the M4 in the UK but some corners were so tight that the poor old camper van was wobbling round them at 40km/h and some of the hills were so steep that we could barely get up them.

The next morning we drove to a lovely welcoming place called Cape Foulwind (it even sounds lovely) and had breakfast by the cliffs. The weather wasn't great and the waves were starting to crash in but it made for some great photos. We were also pestered by a bird (called a Weka I think) that was very bold and kept creeping up to the van to try and get some food from us. I can't imagine why it might think we had anything to give it but the sight of Cath throwing vast quantities of our limited food stash to the "He's cute!!!" bird did raise an eyebrow or two.

We moved on to the seal colony where seals (New Zealand Fur Seals, to be precise) came in for some shelter from the mighty Pacific Ocean. Looking at the ocean and the massive waves that were crashing into the inlet today, I could see why they wanted to get to dry land. I did have a good chuckle when some huge waves came crashing in and splashed over the seals that were lying on the rocks. Call me childish if you wish - everyone else probably thought it as I pointed and guffawed whilst Cath tried to surreptitiously blend into the background.

After the mornings amusement we had a fantastic drive down the West Coast through some fabulous scenery and sun even came out giving us the chance for some memorable pictures. I had fun blasting my horn at a camper van full of Germans that was holding us up and steadfastly refused to get out of our way. As we passed I indicated to them that there were two of us in the van and I instantly felt better.

We pulled up at a place called Pancake Rocks. I don't know how it got its name but it was one of the highlights of the trip for me. Essentially it was a few strange rock formations out into the sea and as the waves roll in you sometimes get splashes of water coming up through the cracks in the rocks. This simple concept kept Cath and I riveted for 3 hours (even though we only planned on spending 30 minutes there) since the waves and their power was truly mesmerising and the sight of water whooshing up into the air was breathtaking. My words don't do it justice and nor do the multitude of pictures and video that we took but it was fabulous to watch. The only problem is that it's a bit temperamental so you have to be there at the right tide time and you have to be watching the right bit. So Cath would come dashing over to tell me that I just missed a massive eruption and I'd dash back to where she'd been just as a chorus of gasps and oohs and aahs emanated from where I'd been. But I saw enough to leave very happy.

Can you guess what happened next? Generally something to do with it being dark and us driving into some little town somewhere to camp up for the night? Yes, that's right so I won't bore you with any details except to say that it was at the charmless purpose built tourist resort of Franz Joseph.

We got up early the next morning because it was our plan to somehow find somewhere that had a helicopter ride up onto the nearby Franz Joseph Glacier. Our chances of success were low since it depended on the weather being good enough for a helicopter to fly up the glacier and back down (preferably in a controlled manner rather than in a ball of fire) and for there to actually be any spaces on any said helicopter flights. We were lucky however, since we managed to get a ride that was leaving in the next hour and before we knew it we were in a helicopter being ferried up the mountain by our skillful pilot (who was Scottish) and landing on the snow to be met by our guide (apparently attractive but I didn't see it and nor did I pay any attention to his legs which the girls, including my darling girlfriend breathlessly told me were "lovely").

Anyway, this clown fitted us with crampons and then walked us around the glacier which was quite frankly incredible. The glacier is constantly moving (Franz Joseph being one of the few which is actually advancing rather than retreating) so there are always new and interesting ice caves and structures to wander in and squeeze through. It was fantastic and I was glad our moronic guide with his stupid legs was there because I would have been completely lost since it all looked so similar. We even saw some of the massive blocks of ice breaking free and crashing down the mountain. Apparently we were unlikely to get squashed but it was quite scary since these blocks were 20, 30, 40 feet high and it'd probably sting a bit if you were squashed underneath it.

Before long it was time to jump back into the helicopter and fly back to the village. After Pancake rocks the day before it was a real sweet spot of our trip and whilst expensive it was a truly wonderful thing to have done. The only worrying part was when the helicopter pilot lifted us up over a peak and then plunged the helicopter down the other side, leaving our stomachs and a variety of piercing screams far up in the air where we'd just been. If he hadn't been flying the helicopter I'd have strangled him with his headphones.

After a well earned lunch we drove to Gilespies Beach where I managed to completely soak my walking boots and most of my walking trousers after a slightly misguided and misjudged photo attempt on a huge wave as it crashed onto the beach. With my dignity slightly dented we left the beach and drove to Lake Mathieson for a walk (a slightly squelchy walk in my case) around the lake before it got dark. After a brief detour to the Fox Glacier to see the face of a Glacier (and the huge cliffs that it created when it gouged a route through the mountain) and an unsuccessful attempt to help a fellow camper van driver that had managed to reverse off the side of a small drop and beach their van on the side of the road, we drove off once again into the night in search of a place to stay. After we'd exhausted all attempts to find a nice place on the coast we settled on a simple camp site in a place called Haast.

The next day we woke up to some extremely cold and rainy weather, the first bad weather we'd really had on the trip. We drove down to the beach since it was possible to see penguins at certain times of the year but it wasn't to be and so we traced our route back and drove for most of the day in the miserable rain and cold. We stopped for lunch in the memorable setting of a car park and with rain streaming down the windows we cooked our soup and looked out at the sodden landscape. It was like a British camping holiday. We were slightly dreading the rest of the drive because there were signs warning of the Haast Pass and the guide book suggested that it was a tricky route but in fact we passed the Pass so to speak, without noticing it so I like to think that my sublime driving skills made the journey that much more pleasurable.

We arrived in Wanaka and stopped at a place called Puzzling World. I don't quite know how to explain this place but it was basically full of weird illusions and holograms and things. One room was built on a big slope so that you could have strange illusions like pool balls rolling back down the table at you and water draining upwards and things. It was lots of fun and nice to get out of the rain for a bit although it did mean that we couldn't do the outdoor maze (but I did get a good laugh at those that had tried it and were then lost out in the rain). There wasn't much else in Wanaka so we drove on to Queenstown. The signs pointed us in one direction but the map showed us that there was a quicker way if we drove over the hills. In the end it wasn't much quicker but it was certainly much more exciting as we drove up into the clouds and then hurtled down the other side of the hill on the narrow road, skidding round hairpin bends and asking everything of the brakes. Cath frequently screamed but I think it was just from the sheer fun she was having and nothing to do with the fear that was etched into her face (or the fingernail marks that were gouged into the dashboard). Oh how we laughed. Once back on solid ground we drove into a very rainy Queenstown and decided to spend the night somewhere that wasn't a camper van since we were planning to go ski-ing the next day (if the weather was any good) and didn't want to come back to a cold camper van after a days ski-ing.

After much searching and sighing we found a youth hostel that was OK but the weather report for the next day wasn't looking great. We went to get some dinner and decided that we'd wait and see what the weather was like the next day before making a decision. When we woke up it was sunny which was great but almost as quickly the cloud came in and the rain started again so we ended up walking around the town trying to find things to do. Queenstown is the adrenalin capital of the world so there are loads of things to do, but they generally rely on good weather so we were a bit stuck. The jet boat wasn't running because the water level was too high (I didn't quite understand that myself) but a girl gave us some tickets for the gondola so we went up the hill for lovely views into the cloud over Queenstown. We could have got the luge down the hill but that too was closed because of the weather.

However, at the bottom of the hill was our saviour for a few hours because we found an indoor Crazy Golf venue. Now I don't want to sound like I'm making excuses once more but I'm certain that the weather was playing havoc with my usually serene golf skills and I think Cath might have given me a dodgy golf club because once more I was beaten by a girl at crazy golf. I took it well though and after smashing a few windows I was fine and ready to move on.

Thankfully the weather had finally turned and the rain had stopped. The jet boat was running again so we booked ourselves on that. It was lots of fun - I decided that I'd quite like one for myself although I'm not sure where I could zoom around in Reading with it. Lots of people got soaked on the boat but I seemed to have a fairly good spot where I could point and laugh but remain dry. The ski report for the next day was looking good as well so moved into a nicer apartment and got our stuff ready.

The next day was sunnyish but the hills looked very cloudy. We'd made our mind up though so we picked up our ski-ing gear, drove up the mountain stopping half way up to figure out how to put our snow chains on and then progressed up the mountain at walking speed, much to the annoyance of the train of cars behind us. I would have pulled over but the I might not have got going again. Once there I dived out of the van and ran to the slopes, giggling like a giddy 9-year old at Christmas whilst Cath struggled to walk in her ski-ing boots carrying her skis and poles.

We had a good day ski-ing in the clear sky with no injuries and the snow was pretty good too. The NZ approach to pistes is different to Europe. The ski map just seems to be a suggestion and in reality people just ski all over the mountain as they see fit. I joined in and could hear the obscenities from Cath as I went hurtling down some difficult drop (often face first) with no means of escape, expecting Cath to obediently follow. But follow she did and fun we did have.

When we got back to the van my heart sank as I realised I'd left the lights on and the battery was flat. For a moment I thought I might be able to swing the van out from its spot and then roll down the hill but if I got it wrong then I would be blocking the only road out of the resort so I thought better of it and went to find someone to help. I was a bit worried because I didn't have a clue where the battery was to jump start it but some young kid that worked at the resort turned up with jump leads, pulled the battery out from under the seat and got us going in under 5 minutes.

That evening we had dinner in the same restaurant we dined in on the first night because it was so good and the next day we drove to the Bungy jump centre in town. Cath wasn't so sure but she was delighted when I stomped in and booked a jump for an hours time. That way she didn't have to time to think about it and the time she spent hitting me and calling me a stupid boy was kept to a minimum too.

When we arrived at the bungy site I was quite excited and I was excited all the way up until I stood on the ledge and suddenly felt like this was a bad idea. But then I felt a hand on my back ushering us both to the river below and then I remember screaming like a girl. I was quite proud though because I screamed from the top to the bottom whereas Cath screamed from the top, paused for a breath and then continued screaming as we plunged to the rapids below. Thankfully the rope held and we were rescued by two men in a dinghy that I presume worked for the bungy company. Once back in the van we agreed what fun it had been and I spent the next 8 hours reminding Cath that it had been my idea and wasn't I great, to which she heartily agreed and looked at me with dreamy eyes and deep admiration. That's what I remember anyway.

After the bungy jump and a minor detour when I turned left instead of right and got lost for half an hour we drove up to Lake Pukaki in the hope of seeing a nice view of Mount Cook. Unfortunately the weather wasn't great so all we saw was a load of cloud and then a load of cloud reflected in the lake. It was nice to get out of the van and have a walk around the lake though. We continued driving up to Lake Tekapo but the weather was getting worse and soon it started to snow. We stopped at the lake and because we were a bit worried about continuing along the road and through Burkes Pass in the poor weather we ended up staying the night in a camp site at the lake. It was fun though - the snow was quite thick so we went for a walk and threw some snowballs, then came back to the van and built a snowman. We christened him Mr Ernest Hackett. Ernest because we wanted a distinguished name to reflect his distinguished stature and Hackett in homage to the man that invented the bungy jump in Queenstown.

We had a very cold night. By morning, the water tank in the van had frozen and the door that gave us access to the gas had frozen as well. So whilst Cath laid in the warmth of bed I fought my way through the snow and polar bears to the kitchen to get some water and wrestled open the van door to switch the gas on and get a cup of tea. Once we'd finally got sorted I drove the van over to one of the lodges to get some water to fill up the water tank but then I managed to get bogged down in the snow. No matter how hard we tried or in what gear, the van didn't want to go forward. I had a brainwave though and stuck the van in reverse and zoomed back as fast as possible to get up the hill. It worked a treat and it was great fun too. I only crashed into a couple of other caravans as well.

The roads were still icy and slippy but the view was great and the sun was out as well. In a happy frame of mind we drove to Tamaru to get the van repaired since we'd managed to blow a fuse in the water pump trying to get the frozen water out. Once it was fixed we stopped for a bit to go to an aviary and also for me to play on the childrens climbing frame just outside. I managed to get to the top of the kids frame and I reckon Cath was deeply impressed with just how great I was. We drove back to the coast for some lunch next to the sea and I did my customary thing of trying to photograph waves and naturally got my feet wet in the process.

After lunch we drove on to Geraldine (or Monica or whatever other female name I attached to it - I kept getting confused and I'm not very good with names) and then on to Peel Forest where we saw a big tree. It was more exciting than it sounds but there's only so much you can say about a tree so I'm not going to try and convince you. It was good though. There was a tree there that was really big. After the drama and excitment of the big tree we arrived in Methven and spent the night in a camp site. Tragedy struck though when our fan heater packed up and we had to face the thought of a freezing night without heating. Rescue came in the form of the camp site owner though who loaned us one of his heaters and we didn't perish in the cold of the Southern winter.

The next day we were up early to hire more ski gear and go up to the ski resort. Instead of driving this time we took the bus and it was a good move because the road was a bit dodgy in places and I suspect our little van would have struggled to get up the hill. All was going well until the second run of the day when I had a silly little fall but managed to sprain my ankle. It was jolly sore and I came over all dizzy and sweaty so we stopped for lunch early while I moaned and complained a lot. After lunch Cath insisted that we get back on the slopes despite my near fatal injury and we started on the nursery slopes just to see how I was. It was very painful but I could manage OK so we went on the chairlift up to one of the harder runs.

All was going well until I came to get off the lift. I stood up and slid away from the chair but then felt my rucksack pulling me back and I fell on my bum. I'd snagged my rucksack on the chair somehow and it was dragging me round and back down the other side of the lift. I wasn't too worried since I was sure the lift operator would stop the lift but it started to dawn on me that the lift was still going and I couldn't undo my rucksack. I looked at the lift operator and he was reading what must have been a fascinating book whilst I was getting dragged to the drop on the other side of the lift. I shouted a 'Hoi!' at him and saw his face change as he registered that I was going to be strangled by my bag and he was going to be sacked. Luckily he stopped it before I started to dangle off the chair by my neck and dashed over to release me. He told me he would have come earlier if I'd screamed like a girl so I'll bear that in mind. Apparently my "Hoi" was too relaxed for his liking. Anyway, no harm done except I was a bit grumpy and was miffed at Cath for pointing and laughing at me as I was dragged to my doom. I'm sure I saw her trying to find the camera but I'll say no more...

We did a few more runs and I stoically coped with the pain before we headed back down into the town. When I took my boots off my ankle had swollen up a lot and I couldn't walk very well so I hobbled to the doctor to see if they could give me anything for it but the queue was too long. I went to the chemist instead and they gave me some cream to help it heal and told me to relax for a bit. I couldn't drive so Cath drove us to Akoroa which turned out to be a scary drive up darkened mountains in the ice. She did a great job though and I managed to not complain too much about her driving. Once in Akarora we found a lovely hotel and we had dinner in a fantastic restaurant (which was expensive but was the only place open in town and was well worth the money). We didn't really fit in what with me hobbling in and the two of us in our ski-ing gear with windswept hair but they were very polite to us (except for the cheeky waiter who said that I looked about 35 years old!) and the food was superb.

The next day we went on to our final destination: Christchurch, and it was a bit of a shock to the system for both of us. It was our first time in a city for 3 weeks and quite a change from our little van. To be honest we both didn't really want to be there and would quite happily have flown back to the UK but we made the most of it but going to a couple of restaurants and the museum (which was pretty good actually) and taking a boat trip from Lyttleton Harbour out to see some dolphins in the Pacific. My foot was a bit better so I stood out on the front of the boat to watch them and periodically got drenched by the odd freak wave. The dolphins were very cool - they were called Hectors Dolphins and are the smallest type of dolphin with less of a pointy fin and a fin more like Mickey Mouse's ear. They swam alongside the boat jumping in the air and generally just showing off. I have a very shaky video of them as I tried to film them with one hand while the other hand held onto the rail in an attempt to stop me getting thrown overboard.

And that's it really. We flew back from Christchurch to Sydney and then Sydney to London via Singapore. The flight was dreadful since it seemed to go on forever. At one point I woke up, sure that I was over France or somewhere but was disappointed to find out that we were over the Middle East. I woke Cath up from her deep sleep to tell her and she was disappointed too, especially since she couldn't get back to sleep again.

So, my trip is over. What can I say? It was great and if you get the chance to do something similar then jump at it. It wasn't always great fun (a certain Chinese hospital springs to mind) but (and at the risk of dredging out a tired cliche) the memories are fantastic.

There will be another blog post because there are a few mistakes in some of the articles and there are plenty of things that I've missed out so I'll need to tidy them up. But that's it for now. Hope you've enjoyed it!

Gregor

The Last Bit - Part 2

Hello!

I have a little secret to confess - I'm not actually in New Zealand anymore. Currently I'm sitting at my computer in the UK trying to remember where I went when I was in New Zealand so the remaining entries of this blog will be written by pulling memories out of that leaky sieve I like to call my memory.

But you can get off the edge of your seats now because I'm happy to report that our plane landed in New Zealand as planned and we didn't plummet to our doom during the flight. Whew! In fact, we landed in Auckland late that same evening and after a brief detour when they took my hiking boots away to clean them in case I'd brought some contaminated soil into the country (they apparently have a very fragile eco-system) we pulled up to our hotel, marvelling at the lovely rain and wind that we'd flown into and wondering whether our plan to hire a camper van in a New Zealand winter was going to turn out to be as stupid as it sounded. The hotel was fine apart from a few luxuries such as heating, insulation and post-1960s decor but it was cheap and handy for both the airport and the van-hire place.

The next morning we were up early to pick up our van and it was an absolute triumph of space-management and ergonomics. It was a small Toyota Hiache but it had space for 3 people sleeping (as long as the 3rd was about 2 inches tall), a cooker, fridge, sink, decent storage and things like kettles and frying pans. I was impressed and set off into the rain in a good frame of mind. My calm demeanour was tested a little bit by the noise of the cutlery crashing around whenever we went around a corner at more than 2mph and it took another dent when it took us about an hour to finally find our way out of the industrial estate to find the motorway. We were going to Hot Water Beach at Coromandel which is a beach (surprisingly enough) where you can dig a hole in the sand at low tide and if you dig it in the right place then you come across water that's been heated by a thermal spring (or something - I tuned out while Cath explained the details since my mind was busy designing the giant sand-castle I was going to construct). Finally we made it to the motorway and by thrashing the life out of our poor camper van to push it up to the NZ speed limit (62mph) we managed to get there just as the tide was coming in.

We quickly dashed down the beach and I feverishly started digging a hole with my hands but to no avail. Then we realised that we wanted to be further up the beach where there were some people milling around looking puzzled. When we got there I tried digging another hole but once again to no avail. There was an old French man in immodestly short swimming trunks wandering around trying to find the spring but the tide was coming in quickly and it looked like we weren't going to find the right spot. Suddenly, with a gallic shout of triumph our Frenchman pointed to where he was standing and beckoned us over - the tide was up to his knees but when we stood in the same spot the water almost burnt my feet because it was so hot. Showing my gratitude and keen to practice my French I thanked him ("Petit pois, jambon le maison") and we made our way back to the van with burnt feet and wet clothes.

We had lunch and then drove until it got dark when we found somewhere to park up - a place called Whakatane. We parked in a car park on the coast and started arranging the van to get the bed and cooker and everything else all sorted out. It was a tad cramped but we managed to cook a decent meal and get quite comfortable and then drifted off to sleep with the sound of the waves crashing onto the beach outside the window.

The next day we made our way to Rotorua, a spa town that has loads of thermal baths and tourist stuff for people that are into that sort of thing. The first thing that you notice is the strong smell of sulphur in the air but it does mean that there are some pretty cool sights around the town. We visited a park, much like a smaller Hyde Park but which had lots of sulphurus lakes dotted around and the odd hole filled with bubbling mud. New holes keep appearing as the ground gives way and there are lots of dead trees and plants around that have succumbed to the constant attack of boiling water and whatever else the ground decides to chuck up. In fact, the park is so active that some of the drains on the road have steam pouring out from them. If you ask me, it's not the greatest place to live with the constant stench of sulphur and the risk of your house disappearing into a boiling pit of mud at any moment, but the town has made the most of it with lots of thermal-based attractions and the park had a couple of thermal pools where you could sit on the side and soak your feet in the pleasantly warm water. I spent a pleasant 30 minutes doing just that and Cath had 30 minutes of torment as I constantly splashed her with water and threatened to chuck her in the water. Ahh, what fun!

After the park we drove to the Whakarewarewa Thermal Valley to see a few geysers and more thermal activity. It was good to see but we were a little misled because we though we would watch a hole in the ground and then at some unexpected moment - probably when I was at the toilet or looking the other way or something - the geyser would gush force in a violent display and we would all 'ooh' and 'aah' at the appropriate moment. So when we got there, we looked over a barrier at what were apparently 4 geysers - some of which were constantly throwing up water and others which were apparently going to exhibit the behaviour described previously. Since we couldn't really distinguish any of the 4 geysers from each other we stood watching waiting for the giant crash of the main geyser throwing water tens of metres into the air but after about 30 minutes of not very much happenin, one of the guided tours rolled up and the guy explained that the main geyser was running constantly at the moment and wouldn't be doing anything dramatic. I thanked him for his explanation, told him that it would have been nice to have known this before we invested 30 minutes of our time looking at the ground, threw him in a boiling mud pool and moved on.

It was time to find a home for the night and this time we chose a camp site since we needed to charge the batteries in the van and hook up to a mains supply. We found a nice campsite on the edge of Lake Rotorua that had it's own thermal pool that we took advantage of (although we had to have a shower first so that the pool remained clean - running down from the showers to the pool in the freezing cold was somewhat bracing) and it even had heated tent sites due to the thermal activity going on beneath the ground. Of course you run the risk of waking up boiled in a pool of sulphurus water but at least you'd be nice and warm.

The next day we drove to Waitomo Caves. Those David Attenborough fans amongst you might recognise it from Life in the Undergrowth because he went there to film a piece on glow worms. The caves are deep underground and have lots of stalegtites and cool rock formations and stuff. There is also a stream/river running through it and you can do a variety of different tours such as having a nice walking tour through the caves looking at glow worms and stuff or you can stick a wetsuit on, sit in a big rubber ring and float down the river. We opted for walking since we'd had enough of getting wet and plus it looked a bit manic at points on the rubber rings which would have ended no doubt ended with me drowning. It was very cool though because they'd rigged up lots of colourful lights which looked really good when they were lighting up the rock formations in the cave. When they turned all of the lights out you could walk for a bit and see the glow worms shining in the gloom. It was ruined a bit by some monstrously awful American family who frankly looked liked they all might be related in slightly unnatural ways and who managed to irritate me in every way. From the fat son who snorted loudly and frequently through his nose in an attempt to dislodge something that didn't want to be dislodged to the other brother/cousin/both who answered every rhetorical question that the guide asked. Add in the mother who liked to repeat the obvious ("That's a glow worm right there. There it is. That's a glow worm. Yep, it's right there. The glow worm.") and I would have gladly mown them down with a large gun. As it was I just stomped around at the back sighing whenever they got into my eyeline.

That night we drove for a while trying to find a nice spot to park up but there didn't appear to be anywhere so we pulled into a small town that had a camping area behind a shop. We parked up but then the smell of fish and chips and general nastiness of the place prompted us to move on and we found a much nicer caravan park next to the ocean and where they had a rather peculiar beach where the sand was black. We were the only people in the park which was nice and once again we drifted off the sleep with the sound of the ocean crashing onto the beach behind us.

The next day we were up early to drive to New Plymouth where one of Cath's friends had moved to. We were looking forward to spending the night in a house that had a shower and heating and other luxuries. We met up with Derek and drove into town where I treated myself to a new rucksack (having managed to wear out Cath's rucksack during the previous few months) and finally replace my camera. I started looking at small pocket cameras but when the shop assistant brought out a big camera with lots of buttons then she knew the sale was in the bag. I spent the rest of my day playing with my new toy and irritating Cath and Derek with flashing lights and beeps and dull statistics. They loved it really. That everning we had a huge roast dinner and I spent the rest of the evening sprawled on the sofa - not unlike a beached whale whilst Cath and Derek caught up and traded dull chemistry stories.

Saturday was my birthday but we spent most of the day in the van because we were driving to Wellington to get the ferry to the South Island. We weren't bothered about seeing the city so we just drove straight to the terminal and while we waited in the car park for the ferry Cath showed me the birthday cake she'd bought earlier when we stopped for some junk food for the van. She even had some candles and so we put 23 of them on the cake to reflect my youthful age, devoured the cake and waited for the ferry.

And that's about it for the North Island. You'll have to wait and see if we managed to reach Picton on the South Island or whether our ferry sank, taking it's passengers to the freezing murky depths of the sea.

So, from London, all the best.
Gregor

The Last Bit - Part 1

Hello!

As you may have noticed, I've not updated this for a while and I don't have a very good excuse beyond being too lazy to do it. But I'm being punished because I now have to write loads in order to bring this thing up to date and so I'll be sitting at a keyboard for a while. I'm being sensible though and splitting it into separate posts so that I can do it in installments and write something manageable rather than an epic novel.

However, I have just updates my flickr site although the observant amongst you will see that it only consists of New Zealand and no Australia. The reason for that is that I managed to lose my camera just before I stepped onto the plane to New Zealand and unfortunately I lost all my pictures from Australia as well. I contacted all the places I thought it could be but to no avail so I can only assume that some dishonest Aussie has found it and kept it for themselves. As you can imagine, I wasn't in the best mood for a few days after that but I treated myself to a new camera which is bigger and has more buttons so that cheered me up.

Blimey, where do I start? Well, last time I blogged I was about to go to Adelaide so that sounds like a sensible place to start. It's a pretty cool place to visit. It's quite a small city but it has lots of nice parks and it's a great city to just wander around. I was a bit geeky too and walked some of the old Formula 1 track (Adelaide held a race in the streets until 1996 when Melbourne pinched it - I walked the Melbourne track too, but now I'm painting myself in a bad light so I'll stop there!). Having said that, there's not too much to do there so I only spent a couple of days there before flying to Alice Springs and booking myself onto a tour to see Uluru (or Ayers Rock as it used to be known).

I was a little apprehensive because I didn't expect to be overly impressed by what is essentially a big rock, but it was actually very impressive and we spent ages wandering around it and examining it from different angles. A few facts, courtesy of the Lonely Planet (just about everything I know about Australia comes from Bill Bryson or the Lonely Planet): it is 3.6km long, 348m high (and it is thought that 2/3 of the rock remains underground) and a walk around the circumference of the rock is 10km long. So yes, it's a big rock but it's a fantastic sight and well worth seeing. There is the option to climb the rock but I didn't do it because the Aborigines consider it to be a sacred site and don't want tourists running about all over it. That didn't stop a couple of people in my group climbing it so I fired suitably scathing looks in their direction when they got off the bus and had a good chuckle at the woman who could barely climb the first few metres without falling over. I was hoping that she would comically roll down the hill cartoon-like but I was bitterly disappointed.

After travelling around the rock, we hung around and had a BBQ while we waited for the sun to go down since the rock is meant to change colour as the sun slowly descends in the evening. And it did - it was very cool. Not quite the spiritual experience that you'd be led to believe it is from speaking to some people but definitely worth seeing and there were a few "Wow" moments as we saw the rock from different angles.

Once the sun had gone down we headed back to Alice Springs (a mere 400km away) and I was back by midnight - but very tired since they picked me up at a very chilly 7am that morning. It was strange because the days were baking hot but as soon as the sun went down it was freezing cold - especially in my accommodation which was reminiscent of one of the pre-fabricated huts that passed for my classroom when I was 8 years old. There wasn't much else to see in Alice Springs - it's a pretty nasty tourist town with no charm or character and which seemed to consist of tourists, people employed by the tourist industry or some seriously beaten up aborigine people. I won't even try to explain anything about the Australian Aborigine situation (and no least because I know next to nothing about it) except that to say that it's a big problem. While I was visiting an Adelaide church I was talking with a gentle elderly man who worked in the gift shop and his entire demeanor changed and frosted over when I mentioned I was going to Alice Springs. He told me that the Aborigines were a massive problem there and they like to take money from Australians but like to live by their own rules. It was an experience almost spookily identical to one that Bill Bryson had in "Down Under". On the other hand, you're told not to judge Aborigines by the ones you see in Alice Springs or Darwin who generally have drink problems. To be honest, I didn't see enough to even form an opinion except that the ones in Alice Springs could benefit from a good wash now and again...

Anyway, I visited the Royal Flying Doctor museum which was quite interesting, a kangaroo rescue centre where I held a few baby kangaroos and also visited the Alice Spring reptile centre which was extremely scary. There really are far too many innocuous looking but lethal animals in Australia and most of them were on show here (thankfully behind glass windows). There were newspaper cutouts of men missing various crucial and significant limbs thanks to spiders biting them or stumbling over a small wormlike snake or something. I vowed to keep to the pavement at all times from that moment onwards.

After exhausting the 3 things worth seeing in Alice Springs I decided, in some misguided attempt at "seeing the real Australia" that the best way to go to Darwin (for that was my next destination) would be to travel by bus for 21 hours through miles and miles of desert and road. Clearly I'd been out in the sun too long but the man at the bus station gladly sold me a ticket and I climbed onto the bus. 21 hours later I emerged only slightly deranged and found a hostel right next to the bus station which had a pool and which sounded nice and lively. As I was checking in I noticed a party of Irishmen who'd clearly been sitting next to the pool all day liberally pouring vast quantities of Aussie beer down their throats. I then observed (somewhat wide-eyed) them pounce on a frail young backpacker who had the misfortune of passing them at the wrong time be picked up fully clothed and launched into the pool to the accompaniment of cheers and shouts. Not wishing to suffer the same fate I tanked it past them to my room before they even had a chance to notice I was there. When I left the hostel for dinner that night it all seemed to be getting a bit out of hand so I was glad to be out of it. A few days later I saw a couple of the same lads being loaded into the back of a police van outside a pub on the main street so I had a good laugh at them.

Darwin had loads to do and was totally geared for the tourist but it was just totally full of English, Irish and German kids (well, about 18 or 19 or something) and I felt a bit out of place really. They'd obviously just parked themselves in Darwin for the summer and it's what I would imagine a Southern Hemisphere Ibiza to be like. But I'd come to Darwin for a reason and that was to go on the jumping crocodile tour!

A guy in Melbourne had told me about this and it basically consists of taking a boat trip down a crocodile infested river and hanging a bit of meat out over the side for the croc to come and eat. Except the piece of meat is hung quite high up on a stick and the croc has to jump out of the water to get it. What's more is that there is a guy holding the stick and he lifts it up just as the croc jumps for it, much like teasing a dog so that the croc has to jump a couple of times to get it. But crocs can be quick when they want and frequently they would snatch the meat before the guy had a chance to react. It was fantastic to see - these crocs were ridiculously big and absolutely terrifying to look at and they were launching themselves out of the water and tearing the meat apart. You could hear the bones being crunched by the crocs and you realised that you had pretty much no chance if they got their mouth round you. The tour also included a trip to a crocodile farm where they bred crocs for meat and skin (I declined the crocodile meat in the cafe) but you could get up close to the crocs and try to stare them out. I wanted to wrestle a few of them because I reckoned I could take them all on but the people who owned the place wouldn't let me, obviously fearful for the lives of their crocs... Party-poopers.

I also visited a wildlife park which was set in hectares of open bushland and which you could wander around pretty freely. It was massive and took all of the morning to get around but was well worth it as you could go see the kangaroos, visit the nocturnal house, aviary, aquarium and see a bird of prey show (although that finished early as they were scared that some of the smaller birds might get eaten by some wild birds that were flying around). Wandering around the bush, I was a bit worried about getting eaten by a wild snake or a spider and my jumpy mood wasn't helped by thousands of blackfly buzzing around me. At one point a butterfly flew towards me and not quite able to tell what it was I started frantically waving my hands around, much like someone having a fight with fresh air before I realised what it was. After regaining my composure and nervously checking that no one had seen me I went back to swatting blackfly. I was quite glad when I got back to the bus without any obvious snake-inflicted injuries.

After visiting a fantastic museum (which detailed a typhoon that virtually tore the town apart in the 70's) I was done with Darwin and ready to head back to Sydney to meet Cath who was flying out to see me. After my experience with the bus journey I decided to fly to Sydney since air travel is pretty cheap in Oz and the distances are too great for any sane person to consider driving. However my only option was to fly from Darwin at 1am via Brisbane, getting to Sydney at 6am that morning. For some bizarre reason all the flights from Darwin seemed to leave at some obscene hour and so it was that I was sitting in Brisbane airport amongst screaming kids and irritating Aussies at 4am trying to convince myself that this was fun and that I was enjoying myself.

Back in Sydney I found a hostel and had a couple of hours sleep which perked me up a bit before heading out for a wander in Sydney. It was nice to be back in a city that I knew and I just spent some time poking around the shops since I was too tired and the afternoon was too short to do any serious activities. The next day it was pouring with rain so I went to the Maritime museum which was excellent and then to the Powerhouse museum which is probably my most favourite museum ever. The Australians certainly know how to make a good museum and I spent a very cultured day poking around and playing with the exhibits, turfing annoying schoolkids off the toys that I wanted to play with - little brats.

Finally Cath arrived, no thanks to a last minute slight panic due to a typhoon in Hong Kong cancelling her flight from London. Despite her jetlag we climbed Sydney Harbour Bridge (on an organised tour of course - not just by jumping up there or anything). It was a tad pricey but it was totally worth it and definitely something to remember. We were pretty lucky with the weather too so the views were good. Sadly you're not allowed to take cameras or anything but you get a photo as part of the cost so it's not too bad. That evening we went to Sydney aquarium where Cath educated me on loads of animals about which I didn't have a clue. I confidently educated her on the crocodile that was there before reading the sign and realising that it was a totally different type of crocodile. Ah well, I've found that as long as you can be confident in what you say then it often doesn't matter if you're right or wrong - I commend this approach to you all...

And that was pretty much all of Australia. We left the hotel and went to the airport and at some point I carelessly lost my camera. Too late to do anything we boarded the flight to New Zealand as planned and you'll have to wait until the next installment of this blog to find out if we landed in one piece or if we crashed as a gigantic fireball into the ocean.

Until the next time.....be good.

From Scotland to Australia

Hello from Melbourne!!!

As the perceptive amongst you will have noticed, I am no longer in the UK and I'm currently enjoying an Antipodean winter down under. I hear that you're all basking in a heatwave in the UK which must be very nice for you but please spare a thought for me all wrapped up in my fleece and stuff because it's a little bit chilly here. Having said that, it's nothing like a UK winter since I'm enjoying nice blue skies instead of biting wind and rain and it's about 12 degrees or so rather than hovering around freezing.

So, I know you've been religiously checking my blog desperately searching for updates and so I am happy to furnish you with my activities of the last week.

I first flew into Sydney and being the organised chap that I am, I had a hostel all organised and even had a bus waiting to take me there. The jet lag so far has been dreadful - even after a week I'm currently going to bed around 2am and waking up anywhere between 8am and 12pm. To be frank, Frank, my body clock is just completely screwed up and I don't know whether I'm coming or going. It's a bit strange because when I went to Hong Kong I had one uncomfortable night of staring at the ceiling and then I was fine, but for some reason coming to Oz has been much more difficult even though the time difference is only an extra hour. Oh well, I think I'm starting to adjust but it's not helped by people snoring and talking and stuff in my dorm room. I've managed to stop myself yelling at them though so I'm rather proud of my new found restrait.

I'm enjoying being a tourist in a country where they speak English (or a variant thereof) and that makes life much easier than trying to communicate through hand signals or whatever else I had to resort to when I was in China. It's just much easier being here since everything is pretty familiar and the place is totally set up for brain-dead tourists much like myself.

So, I had 4 days in Sydney and did all the tourist stuff - looked at the opera house and the harbour bridge and went for a poke around the city. I had a nice walk down the coast from Bondi Beach to a place called Coogee - the waves were amazing, and I also brushed off my cultural side and went to a museum and stuff. I wouldn't say I was bowled over by Sydney but it was nice to see it and to spend some time there.

After that, it was off to Melbourne on the train. I thought I'd get the train because you get to see the scenery pass you by but it was very repetitive after about an hour so I just slept most of the 11 hours. I was stuck in a carriage with a bunch of very smelly students and their tragic dress sense so sleeping was a form of escape for me. The Australians have a bit of a penchant for skin-tight jeans circa 1984 which didn't even look good then so throw in a few dodgy mullets and it's a bit of a laugh people-watching in town. Anyway, I drew into Melbourne at 6pm and in another triumph of organisation on my part I only had a brief 5 minute walk to the hostel (or in fact it could have been a long 5 minute walk - it was 5 minutes regardless and so the addition of the word 'brief' or 'long' is totally unnecessary). Anyway, I had a walk that lasted 5 minutes and depending on your viewpoint, that may be considered brief, long or average. The fact of the matter is that I didn't really have to walk that far to get to the hostel because my planning had been exquisite.

Melbourne seems a little bit more laid back than Sydney and it's a bit more diverse as well since there's a large Chinatown area and a big Greek area too. It doesn't have the memorable view that Sydney has but it seems to be a better town for shopping (my selection of clothes was limited and getting a bit tired after being dragged around China so I had a cull and bought a load of new stuff) and there seems to be a bit more to do as well. I visited the Melbourne museum which was very cool and also included a set from Neighbours which was a very moving experience for me...

Hmm, reading back it doesn't sound like I've done very much at all, but I promise you that I have! I've just spent most of my time walking around and taking the place in. There are lots of different little streets and things to go off an explore and you totally fill your day just poking around.

Anyway, I'm off to Adelaide tomorrow evening on the overnight bus which will be a bundle of laughs. I'll have a few days there and then head off to Uluru (or Ayres Rock). I have to be back in Sydney at the start of August to meet Cath who's coming out to enjoy the trip with me (and she will naturally enjoy it very much since she gets to spend all of her time with yours truly - as will I enjoy it very much since I get to spend all my time with yours truly too...) and then we head off to New Zealand which is somewhere that we think is very close to Australia but is actually 10 billion miles away from it or something as every New Zealander will be quick to tell you...

Right, this is a quick one because internet access is much more expensive in Australia compared to China - dreadfully unfair if you ask me!

I'll try and get some more pictures up soon.

All the best,
Gregor

From Warsaw to Scotland

Hello from Scotland!! Or as they say here: Pick a windae ye bamheid.

Yes, it's been a while and for that I offer most profuse apologies but you I have a very good excuse: I couldn't really be bothered writing any more and that's why I didn't update it. As you may have guessed from the subject, I'm back in the UK now so I've been pampering myself with good bread, fresh milk and edible chocolate and thus haven't found the time to update my blog. But then I had a pang of conscience and felt very guilty about neglecting my dear readers and so that's why you find another entry about my adventures.

So, last time I wrote I was in Warsaw and enjoying being back in Europe. Cath came out to visit me the very next day so I was out at the airport ready to meet her and it was fantastic to see her after almost 3 months away. We spent another day in Warsaw doing all the tourist stuff before getting a train that evening to Krakow where we were going to be staying with a friend of mine for a few days.

Krakow was gorgeous - a great size for walking around and with a lovely (slightly touristy) square in the middle with lots of cafes and stuff. It wasn't too busy except for what seemed to be thousands of school parties getting under my feet and in my way. But I took it in my happy-go-lucky way and only slapped a few of them - little brats that they were. So we did the tourist stuff - went to the Jewish quarter, went up the big bell tower-type thing for views over the city and went down to the castle and cathedral which were jolly impressive. We spent a day in the salt mines which were incredible - I'd love to recount all the facts and figures we were told on the tour but I've forgotten them so you'll just have to believe me when I say that it was pretty old, really big and quite cool - there was a giant cathedral carved out deep in the mine which I'm sure you'll agree is impressive.

We also went to the site of the Auschwitz concentration camp. There are lots of exhibitions and things detailing all the awful things that went on there but as you walk about you really can't imagine what it was like. A lot of the buildings and things remain but it doesn't look like an awful place - it's just a number of buildings after all - and I found it quite difficult to comprehend that all these terrible things had gone on in the place I was walking around. It's a bit strange being inside this sort of industrial looking room and finding out that they gassed and burned thousands upon thousands of living human beings right where you were standing. I'm not really too sure what I thought as I came away from the place but it's definitely worth a visit to see and experience for yourself, if only for the educational value of the exhibitions.

The only other thing of note is when Thecla's (for indeed she is the friend I was referring to) neighbour somehow managed to lock us all in Thecla's apartment. I'm not entirely clear on why we were locked in but if you knew Thecla then these things tend to happen to her so you learn not to ask questions. Anyway, the only way out was for someone (me) to leap off her balcony to the ground below and then go round and open the front door. Rising the challenge, I lept off her balcony, landed on my feet, staggered around for approximately 20 seconds in the manner of Oliver Reed after a particularly heavy night out before crashing to the ground gracefully, taking out a young tree in the process and managing to cover my lovely Trans-Siberian T-Shirt in some kind of moss. Not my finest hour as a hero but as a comedian I've never managed as many laughs. But I managed to release the hostages so well done me.

After Krakow we caught an overnight train to Budapest. Cath really suffered with her hay fever on the train and was finding it difficult to breathe which was quite worrying but thankfully it cleared itself up enough that she was able to sleep a bit. Our border guards didn't help much by waking us up at 3am and 6am to check our passports but I was very well behaved and polite to them despite them waking me from my precious slumber.

Once we got to Budapest then it was straight to the hotel and on with the sightseeing. Budapest was much much bigger than both Warsaw and Krakow but it was still very picturesque and with lots of impressive buildings and sights for us to take in. Cath was starting to discover that my approach to sightseeing generally involved finding somewhere to eat, having a good meal and a rest, quickly perusing a few sights and then going back to the hotel for a little afternoon nap before heading out for dinner in the evening. Sadly this didn't really fit in with her idea of a holiday so we saw lots of Budapest while I sulked around clutching my stomach in the style of a 5-year old child who wanted a McDonalds, so we saw lots of the sights of Budapest such as the Royal Palace and the fantastic gothic parliament building as well as lots of buildings that I missed the names of because I was too malnourished to focus.

We also had a fantastic time at the thermal baths which were full of all sorts of people of all sorts of shapes and sizes and wearing all sorts of inappropriate clothing. I put them all to shame with my chiselled figure as I relaxed in the baths and noted the look of envy in the men and lust in the women. There was a very cool thing that I'll struggle to describe but it was basically a circular wall that you could swim around and which also had it's own current which propelled you round. It was great fun but Cath had an altercation with some fat Hungarians and crashed into the wall managing to damage her knee in the process - thankfully it wasn't too major so we were able to continue scoping out lots of new restaurants.

After Hungary it was back to the UK and a life of laziness (for me at least - every other sucker had to go to work - ho ho ho!). We arrived in Heathrow and I took the wheel of Cath's car for the first time in 3 months. Within the first 5 minutes I'd almost managed to crash so it was pretty much back to life as normal although I was about 10 miles down the M4 before I'd remembered to put my seatbelt on - perhaps more of China had rubbed off onto me than I'd thought.

The Saturday after I got back I had to get all dressed up for my friend Andy's wedding because I was the best man. I wore my pink cravat without a hint of irony and delivered a best man speech full of dreadful jokes which people were polite enough to laugh at - I can't imagine what it would have been like if no-one had laughed. After another week of laziness (which I could SERIOUSLY get used to) I came to Scotland to visit the family and do a spot of hill-walking which brings me to today, sitting at my parents computer with two very sore legs from my exertions.

What next then, I hear you all cry? Well, I'm back in England (hopefully minus all those stupid England flags everywhere now that they're no longer in the World Cup) next week and then on the 11th I head off to Sydney which is in a place called Australia where everything is upside down and they all speak like Rolf Harris. Sounds like fun!

So, that's all from me for the time being - hopefully my next blog update will be carried out in a more timely manner.

Anyway, ripper mate, stone the flamin crows.

Gregor

From Beijing to Warsaw

Hello from Poland!! Or as they say here: wylcoz cazoyoyakz zakukokayzzc.

So, it's been a while - did you miss me? I missed you too. But you'll be glad to know that's it been a fun filled couple of weeks and I took another few million pictures to bore you with when I get back.

So, as you may have guessed, I've made it back to Europe and I must say that it feels like something of a homecoming. When I went to China I didn't think it was really THAT different to Europe but now that I'm back in Europe I can see that it's actually totally different. But it's good to be back - the air is fresher, the people are better looking and the food is more to my taste. You can cross the road without fear of being mown down by a lunatic scooter rider and you don't have to dodge flying saliva when you walk down the street. The whole noise level had been taken down a notch and it's generally a more pleasant place to be. Not that I'm saying that I didn't enjoy China - I actually really enjoyed it and looking back at the last few months I've pretty much achieved everything that I wanted to do (except for Nepal - grrrr!) when - but I found it a tiring place to be for a long period of time, so after two months I'm pleased that I'm somewhere different.

And Warsaw in particular is absolutely beautiful. Perhaps it's because I've been away but the architecture in the Old Town is really lovely and just wandering around the place is really pleasant. They also have a fantastic building in the centre of the city that was apparently a gift from Stalin. If you were friends with Stalin and he gave you a skyscraper as a present then I'd expect it look exactly like the skyscraper he gave to Warsaw: Click here for a picture

So, I suppose you're all sitting at work pretending to be working but really you're desperate to know what I've been up to for the last week? Yes, No, Maybe? Well I'm going to tell you anyway.

On the Tuesday (23rd May) I was up at some absurdly early hour to get to Beijing Railway Station to catch the Trans-Siberian to Ulaan Bator. I was sharing a cabin with three other people who were also going to Mongolia: a girl called Anna who was to be my only travelling companion for the next week or so - much to Cath's delight - and an English couple called Dave and Sarah who were getting off a couple of stops early to go camel-trekking in the Gobi desert and then spending a further 9 days in Mongolia. The journey itself was pretty uneventful - I took the opportunity to eat loads of junk food and to spread myself liberally around the cabin so that I could have a comfortable snooze.

As we came into Inner Mongolia the scenery changed quite quickly and the lush green fields gave way to monotonous desert as far as the eye could see. The sun was quickly blotted out by sandstorms and even inside the carriage with the windows shut you could taste the dust in the air. The day went quite quickly and as darkness fell we drew up to the Mongolian border where we were going to have to wait for a few hours while the customs officials did their thing and also while they changed the wheels on the carriages to fit the narrower gauge line that they use in Mongolia and Russia, so we took the opportunity to get off the train and stretch our legs.

By the time we got back on the train it was 2am Mongolian time (they are on Beijing time but they also observe summer time so we were in the strange position of travelling west but putting the clocks forward an hour) and we were all knackered from our strenuous day of sitting and eating so we went straight to bed.

We drew into Ulaan Bator (minus the English couple who'd got off earlier) in the afternoon and were met by our guide at the station. She had a piece of paper with our names on which made me feel very special and gave us a quick tour of the city - it was very Russian and for the first time in a couple of months I finally felt like I wasn't in China. After we'd seen the city she took us out to our home for the next couple of days at a Ger camp outside the city.

There wasn't much to do except read and go for the odd walk and horse ride and I found it really relaxing. The scenery was fabulous and our Ger camp was very comfortable with good heating and good food served in the restaurant. There were even hot showers in a separate block although some of the visiting Americans were whinging that the water pressure wasn't strong enough for them. Quite what they expected I don't know but I was very pleasantly surprised by just how comfortable the whole set-up was.

On the Friday it was back on the train for 4 nights until we got to Moscow. I was in a cabin with Anna, another English girl called Belinda and a German girl called Susan. Cath was delighted to hear that I was locked in a carriage with 3 girls for 4 nights but I was very honest and at the risk of mental breakdowns and suicide threats I very quickly told the other girls that I had a girlfriend and to their credit they took it very well. I also gave them a daily run-down of how many days it would be until I met up with Cath in Poland which obviously wasn't annoying for them in the slightest.

In actual fact, I didn't speak with Susan very much at all because she was a nutter. Her method of introduction involved taking an almighty Germanic strop at us all for leaving a bag temporarily on her bunk as we were trying to find somewhere to put all our luggage after we'd arrived in the cabin. Not the best way to make friends with the other people you'll be sharing a small space with for 4 days. So after her little outburst at us, we pretty much ignored her for the rest of the trip which was a bit harsh on her but in our defence she was a complete fruitcake. For example: at the Mongolian border crossing into Europe she refused to answer the (very angry looking) border guard's question about why her passport was ripped, then attempted to make a joke about finding her passport on the ground in the street and then as a manic finale made some throwaway comment about having a bomb. She also took a massive strop at another passenger who she claimed grabbed her - although this could be true cos he looked well dodgy, and on another occasion she was screaming at our conductor (or provodnitsa as they're called) that she hadn't given her an immigration form. You can see why we tried to distance ourselves from her.

Anyway, the rest of the journey was quite quiet and I spent most of my time reading, sleeping, eating, daydreaming, doing Sudoko or making preparations to eat and sleep. Simple tasks took on monumental importance and minor decisions were weighed up with every pro and con considered. It sounds dull, but it was a great trip and really exciting to be crossing an entire continent by train.

We had a bunch of Mongolian traders on our train who had loads of junk that they tried to sell at some of the stations along the route. It were fantastic to watch as these crazy traders dashed off the train with some of the most awful clothes you could imagine and tried to force them onto the people that had come to the station to buy this junk. Now, I was told that Russia was full of beautiful women but this couldn't have been any further from the truth. Some of the people I saw looked like they'd been attacked repeatedly by the ugly tree rather than falling out of it. I had to applaud just how ugly some of these people were because it must have taken a serious amount of concerted effort. Then to complete the ensemble they bought some of the most incredible clothing - purple velour tracksuits and lime green quilted jackets and such like. I don't know what on earth was going on but I watched with detached, bemused, horrified enjoyment. Put in the context of how little was going on each day, every stop became a little bit of theatre that you prepared yourself for in advance.

And so, before long (seriously - the time went quite quickly) we drew into Moscow where another man was waiting for us (this time without our names on a piece of paper - amateur!) and took Anna and myself off to our hotel while Belinda was taken away by her tour group rep. I'm not sure what became of Susan - I imagine a group of Russian policemen were getting an ear bashing from her and then baton-charged her but I can't be sure.

Our hotel was very nice and I had a very well deserved and very welcome (and not just by me) shower before crashing out after my exhausting few days of sleeping and eating. In all seriousness though, I was really tired and I don't know why. I slept like a log all of the time on the train so I'm putting it down to some strange sort of jet-lag and culture shock. All three of us felt a bit out of sorts in Moscow which meant that our attempts at sight-seeing involved maybe an hour of wandering around and they going for a coffee and food somewhere before going back to the hotel. I didn't really see much of Moscow and the rain and wind was a bit off-putting too - it sounds lazy but I've done so much sight-seeing the last couple of months that I think I was a little jaded. Plus the locals didn't seem to be massively friendly and I personally just wanted to get to Poland.

But it was good to see Moscow - I got lots of pictures, went to see Lenin (who was looking a bit grey and off-colour but not bad for someone who's been dead for 80 years) and it was nice to be back in Europe.

And now, after an overnight journey from Moscow and a slightly early stop where they kicked us all off the train outside the city I'm in Warsaw. I guess this'll be my last blog entry until I get back to the UK (albeit temporarily - I still have another 3 months off work you know?) for my friends wedding so hopefully I'll get to catch up with some of you while I'm back.

And so that's it from me for the time-being. When I'm back in the UK I'll update my Flickr site with some more of my pictures and I might even be able to tell you what I'm planning for the rest of my trip.

Until then - all the best!

Gregor

Bye bye China

So, amazingly it's my last day in China today. It's been 9 weeks since I left the UK and I get the Trans-Siberian (or more accurately the Trans-Mongolian) tomorrow to go to Russia, via a 2 night stop-over in Ulan-Bator.

Scary stuff really - in some ways the time has gone very quickly but in other ways it feels like a long time since I was back in the UK. It feels like ages since I saw Cath so I'm really looking forward to seeing her in Poland in a week or so.

Anyway, last time I wrote I was in Kunming which turned out to probably be my favourite city in China. There were lots of parks and trees and it wasn't as crowded or as manic as everywhere else that I've been, plus the climate was quite nice - not too hot and not cold, although it did pour with rain for a couple of days while I was there. There wasn't anything specifically outstanding to go and visit but it was a nice place to spend a bit of time wandering around the city and visiting the parks and things.

After Kunming I flew up to Xi'an to see the Terracotta Warriors. Xi'an was massive - much bigger than I expected (although I should have expected it to be large since it was the capital of China at one time) and it was really very hot indeed - too hot for me.

I took the chance to visit my friend Marc who is currently lecturing at a university outside Xi'an (somehow he's been made an Associate Professor!) and he showed me around Yangling and then his wife cooked us a very nice dinner. It was good to catch up with him and I think he enjoyed the chance to speak with another westerner since there are only around 10 westerners in the town in total!

The Terracotta Warriors were great although our tour did spend around 4 hours there which was a bit too long and I ended up being a bit bored - I think maybe an hour or two would have been enough time. It was great to see them though and although I was a bit worried that I might be disappointed when I finally saw them in the flesh I shouldn't have worried. Perhaps they could have made a bit more effort to make them presentable so that you could get up close to see them but it's basically an archeological dig site that's still in progress so I won't complain too much!

There wasn't really too much else to see in Xi'an so I took the overnight train to Beijing which was going to be my last stop in China before I set off back to Europe.

It was good to be back somewhere I was familiar with but I still had a few places that I wanted to visit. I went to the Great Hall of the People which I suppose is the Chinese parliament building. It looked very grand from the outside but inside it was a bit underwhelming with frayed carpets and generally a tired feel to it. It was nice, but there was nothing grand or impressive about it. I suppose the Chinese Communist Party make all their decisions in darkened, smoky rooms so they have no real need for a parliament building...

The next day I went to the Military Museum and spent a fantastic few hours looking at tanks and missiles and rifles and things. It was great. They had missiles cut in half so you could see how they worked and they also had a massive selection of handguns and machine guns and revolvers and basically all the kinds of toys that you wanted when you were a kid. The rest of the museum was dedicated to Chinese conflicts of the past but it was all in Chinese so I didn't have much of a clue what was going on. I had a brief sortie around the place looking at the pictures but after all the weapons and stuff it was a bit dull. I totally recommend a visit though if you're a big kid.

I finally got around to seeing the Great Wall as well. I'd been meaning to see it ever since I first landed in Beijing in mid-April but somehow never got around to it so yesterday I joined a tour out to one of the restored sections of the wall. I was expecting to be disappointed but I absolutely wasn't. It's just so impressive and the scale of the achievement of building it is there to see. It must have been a massive undertaking.

We took a cable car up the hill (about 1000 metres up - we could have walked but our guide told us we were short of time) and at the top you could see hills into the far distance and the wall perched along the top of them. The pictures don't do it justice (and nor do they show the steepness of the bit that I climbed - I was mildly out of breath by the time I got to the top - thank goodness for my Olympian fitness). I was glad that I'd finally seen it and I should get another chance tomorrow since the Trans-Siberian goes under the wall before we reach Mongolia.

And so that's China for me!

I'm not sure when I'll next get the chance to post - probably when I'm back in the UK so I hope you'll all manage to keep a meaningful life going in the interim.

All the best,
Gregor